I am crazy, emotional and in love with a 77 year old woman

I am a middle-aged man who is preoccupied with comic books and death.  I keep seeing things that remind me of my own mortality, and I suppose it is part of getting older, seeing the crest of the hill that we climb.  My parents are in their mid-sixties and they tell me it feels no different inside an old body than it did when they were young people, that they are still those people inside.  It must be hard to know you are moving ever closer to the end of your life, when the expectancy is what now, eighty?  Have we gotten there yet?  Or is it still seventy-five, like when I was a little kid and that age seemed so far away, not less than half?  I am preoccupied with the desire for immortality, and based on popular culture a lot of people feel the same way.  Vampires can live seemingly forever, and people desire the romantic notion that if one were to be murdered by a blood drinking creature that somehow passes on their illness to you, then one would be beautiful and powerful and desirable.  I don't want to die but we can't do shit about it.  It will happen.  

I see these television shows and movies that have some architectural time stamp.  Buildings with their facades or their interiors that remind me of a time not so long ago.  But it is before my time.  These images haunt me, for they are the representation of death to me.  I fear them in a way.  I would like to see them burned to the ground, bulldozed and forgotten.  Thankfully it is rare that I see them in person, and so I can move about my day without the reminder of mortality too often.  We are too idle, this country is too rich and we have too many needless things that keep us from realizing death is a moment away.  Drugs and drinking are a pastime, while America tries to stop the feelings of helplessness.  As a society we are contributing to the illusion that all is right in the world and we will continue buying and selling, world without end.  Amen  My feelings of self-loathing, and having no purpose, continue.  Books and stories occupy my time and the television and movies help keep my mind off of what is outside and how I can avoid doing what is productive, both personally and socially.  My community seems to mean nothing right now, for I am an island without need of the outside world.  

I am in love with Julie Newmar.  I have been since I was five years old.  This woman that I do not know has aged as well.  I see her image on the old Batman television series and my heart leaps.  At the end of one episode when Catwoman is in custody, she swoons for Batman, and they almost kiss.  I imagine she must look something like that when she is in love.  She is now 77.  Talk about an awkward first date.  I wonder if she still gets hit on by fanboys at comic conventions.  It must crack her up.  I would like to think that given the opportunity I would be a gentleman and not lay down with an elderly woman.  My focus should be on bettering myself and thinking globally.  I would so totally bang that old lady though.